I am the protector.
I sleep with one eye open.
Half a block away, a neighbor sneezes.
I jolt awake while my wife and children sleep peacefully by my side.
My adrenaline is pumping and my muscles are tense.
I am ready to leap into action.
I am prepared to do battle with saber-toothed tigers or marauding tribesmen.
Of course, it is all pointless.
A million years of evolution have been made redundant by the door lock.
By Charlie Taylor