(Aries and Taurus)
It was October 31, 2019,
Halloween, and Mercury was in
retrograde. A woman sat in her china
shop in Spain, hoping she’d get no business
so she could close early.
She ate tuna fish sandwiches,
smothering them with butter with
a butcher knife.
A tourist walked in, and it
was obviously an American tourist.
She was obese, well-fed, and dressed
in a sunflower dress. She had shopping
bags, and she put her greasy hands
on the merchandise.
“If you break it, you pay
for it,” sighed the merchant.
Suddenly, a random bull came
crashing through the window, smashing
tons of china, and exiting out the
other glass window.
The American tourist looked
at the clerk. “So who has to pay
for it, the bull?”
“What astrological sign are
you?” demanded the clerk.
“Taurus.” replied the tourist.
:”Then you brought the bull.
It’s a curse! You pay!”
“Wait till my husband hears
Suddenly a strong man walked
“Did you see that bull?”
“Are you a Taurus?” the clerk asked.
“A tourist? Actually, I’m a Ram!”
the husband said.
“You mean you’re an Aries.”
“No, I’m a football player.
I played for the Los Angeles Rams.
Don’t you recognize me? Oh, no,
here comes that bull again! Hand
me that butcher knife!”
The Ram ripped his wife’s
dress off her body, so she was in
her bra and panties.
“I’ll use this to do a little
The bull came charging
at the cape, or dress, then the Ram
stuck the butcher knife in the bull,
and the bull collapsed, dead.
The merchant said, “You
have to reimburse me for the store!”
then she took one more bite of
her tuna fish sandwich, and died
of mercury poisoning.
“My dress, hubs! You wrecked
“That’s okay, honey, we’ll just
do a switcheroo with this dead lady’s
dress! It looks like it will fit you!”
“I don’t like that dress! It’s
not my color!”
“Oh, Fran, I can’t take you
By Mark Hudson
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