The Winston family were not the
type to travel together.
But the grandmother, Mabel,
a seasoned cruise taker, felt she didn’t
have long to live, so she wanted to
take her daughter Rebecca, husband
William, and five-year old son Roy
William, a heavy smoker,
was getting super grouchy on the
airplane and in the airport because
he couldn’t smoke. And customs
confiscated his four cartons of
So in Aruba, he bought a
carton of Marlboro’s, and was annoyed
because in America they have
the surgeon general’s warning,
on cigarettes from Aruba, it simply
says, “SMOKING KILLS.”
“See dad, smoking kills,”
“Not now, son, I’m having a cigarette,”
It was their last day of the trip,
and they’d all done nothing but bicker,
stay in the hotel, and order in,
missing out on terrific sunsets.
So the grandmother suggested
they go on an underwater submarine
They got to the dock where the
sub would launch, and William
was clinging to his carton of smokes.
Rebecca said, “Oh, William, why
do you have to bring your carton on board?
You know you can’t smoke underwater!”
“Can’t go anywhere without my
smokes, uh-huh!” said William.
They got on and they saw tons
of colorful fish, narrated by a knowledgeable
All of a sudden, the narrator looked
to the right and said, “Oh, look, a shark!”
Everybody grabbed their cell phones
and cameras to take a picture, but Roy
screamed at the top of his lungs, “I’M
SCARED!” and started to cry, and a
puddle of urine appeared below his seat.
“Boy, don’t pee in your pants!”
“Don’t humiliate your son!” screamed
“Well, I need a cigarette!” screamed
When they came back to the dock,
they were supposed to remain seated, but
William leaped up with his carton of
cigarettes, and started climbing the
The narrator said, “Sir, you’re
supposed to sit! Please sit down!”
But William raced up the ladder
ahead of everybody else to have a smoke,
and as they were short of the dock,
William fumbled the carton, and
it fell into the waters below.
William tried to catch the
carton, and over the rail he went,
although he had a life jacket
on, which was good, because
he didn’t know how to swim!
The rest of the passengers came
out and took cell phone pictures,
videos, of the waterlogged fool
gasping for breath and shouting
His family was the last to
come out, and the sub driver had
to get wet and get him back on the
“It’s all the shark’s fault!”
“Don’t you think it’s time
you quit smoking?” said his wife.
“You’re right. It’s a sign.
I hereby quit.”
Three months later William
had been smoke-free ever since,
when the family was watching TV,
and they had on “America’s
funniest home videos.”
The host said, “Here we
have a video sent in about some
moron diving into the water
for a carton of cigarettes.
It’s the funniest video yet!”
And there was William,
on national television!
William leaped up and
headed for the door.
“Where you going?” asked Roy.
“I’m ruined. I’m going to go
and get a carton of cigarettes.”
Roy began to cry.” Please daddy,
don’t start smoking again!”
William froze. He thought
about this. Then he said,
“I love you, Roy!”
He then got on the phone and dialed
the YMCA. “Hello, is this the YMCA?
I’d like to sign up for swimming lessons!”
By Mark Hudson
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